Date: 29th May, 2018
Subject: 30yo, non-binary
Event: Waterworks Update

It’s been two weeks now since I started Hormone Replacement Therapy to transition into a state that feels more comfortable and more me as a non-binary individual. Two weeks of rapid change physically and emotionally has me suspecting that this entire transition is going to be an unending period of new feelings and experiences.

HRT Dosage has remained the same: 25mg of Cypro and 4mg of Oestradiol (taken 2mg in the morning with the Cypro, 2 at night). Along with my Lexapro this has been a steady routine to take everything I need every day and having everything scheduled has helped my anxiety. Always a plus.

The most obvious change so far has been around my emotions. Suddenly I’m feeling a lot more sensitive about outside stimuli; smaller things that didn’t get to me are now prominent, big things nigh overwhelming. I cried at work last week when bad news was delivered to me in a negative way, and then again on the bus home, I’ve never cried at work before. This isn’t the same as the depression/anxiety cocktail I’ve been living with for so long. This is someone turning up my emotional reactions from a 4 to a 9 without going through the levels in between. I dread to think of how emotional I’m going to end up if I start watching anime again.

I also crave hugs and chocolate a lot more than I did a few weeks ago.

Physically things have been interesting as well. Changes in skin tone and pore size have meant my skin is clearer, and less prone to breaking out. Body hair growth has slowed a little, and along with the laser I’m getting on the face means less regular shaving which is always nice when facial hair has always been a major part of your dysphoria.

There’s been a little mass redistribution on the chest. Being overweight I’ve always had a bit up-top, but now there is a bit of shape and increased sensitivity. So most days a crop-top or similar tight under-shirt is necessary to lower sensation and limit the obvious changes.

Temperature regulation also seems to have changed. I don’t seem to be able to find a comfortable temperature, jacket is too much, arm warmers too little, t-shirt is fine for the next 15 minutes. Learning to layer my clothing before I leave the house was not something I expected to have to learn this early on.

So it’s been an interesting couple of weeks all in all. This experience in body-hacking out of the binary has been beyond what I expected this early on.

Coming up next episode: What happens after a full month? Am I XXY? Why don’t I have any chocolate in the apartment?