Hacking Out Of Binary: DreamWeb

Date: 14th June, 2018
Subject: 30yo, non-binary
Event: DreamWeb Update

After a month on HRT there have definitely been a few noticeable changes; most of these have been along the psychological but there have been a couple of notable physical updates. This is of course just the beginning of the journey.

Hacking out of binary is something I will spend the rest of my life pursuing.

Psychologically two changes stand out above all others. The first and most obvious is emotion. Feeling everything more intensely than before takes some getting used to. The good is so much better, the bad is so much worse. Having to adapt to this change is a constant challenge as I’m having to examine the feelings I have and ensure that they aren’t causing me problems. Thankfully years of mental health practice has me in good stead here and aside from a few moments I’ve gotten through without issue.

Secondly is the nature of dreams. From about the second week on HRT my dreams have become much more vivid, less unreal, more resonant. Elements stay behind long after the slumber has passed and leaves me wondering what my subconscious is up to. Like the rewiring of my brain is happening in front of me instead of behind my eyes. The DreamWeb is real.

Physically things are less weird but are at least observable. Skin continues to clear up, a bit of redistribution of mass here and there, lightening of the body hair, libido returning despite the best efforts of my anti-depressants.

I did get my blood results back. I’m not XXY as suspected by the doctor. Just the usual XY chromosomes. This doesn’t explain my unusually low testosterone before I started HRT, but at this point it doesn’t really matter. Maybe this is the direction my body wanted to go.

Realising that by the time I reach my 31st birthday in October I’ll be six months into this journey. Starting the next stage of my life a new person, someone that is right for me.

Something to look forward to.

Celebration cake is important

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