Hacking Out Of Binary: 5 Month HRTiversary

Date: 14th October
Subject: 30yo (for 10 more days), non-binary
Event: 5 Month HRTiversary
(Content warning: Below blog contains references to hormones, transition, and a boob pic)

Five months goes by so fast when your body is rebuilding itself constantly.

I was going to wait until the six month mark to make this post but coming up to my 31st birthday it felt important to note where I am in my transition before I make for another cycle around the sun.

In the last five months I have taken 300 Progynova pills (aka titty skittles) and 75 Cyproterone tablets. Not an insubstantial amount of oestrogen and anti-androgens to pump into a body that was already not doing a great job of pushing out the testosterone in the first place. Hormone hacking being what it is this meatbag of mine has changed, as has the wetware in my skull. So here are a few top-down updates.

(The below footage is from alpha development and may not be representative of the final product)

Hair: Has gotten stronger. Pre-HRT my hair was incredibly fragile, now it seems more solid and I don’t get any negative results from the repeated bleaching and colouring.

20181013_170252

Face: Redistribution of fat in my face has given me prominent cheeks and a rounder chin. Thankfully I’ve never felt much dysphoria around my facial features so with the half dozen sessions of laser I feel comfortable at the results.

Shoulders: Muscles have diminished a bit so my shoulders aren’t quiet so broad. I’m still a bit wide at the top to pull off a lot of styles, but I can deal.

Chest: Wooooo, big changes here. I have boobs now. Definitely boobs. The constant ache finally dropped off after nearly 5 months and now I’ve got these weird squishy things on my chest. Having to wear a crop top whenever I leave the house was a bit of a change, but I’m enjoying the extra padding.

20181013_170056

Butt: It’s a bit bigger.

Naughty bits: Form and function are pretty much the same. Libido has jumped up since I dropped my anti-depressants, which has made things more entertaining.

Non-physical: Turns out I get angry more now. Not like aggressively angry or hostile, just easily pissed off by stuff. Emotions on the whole are turned up a few clicks which can be either great, or terrible depending on the stimulus. Thankfully I’ve moved on from the randomly wanting to cry for no reason stage.

So yeah, it’s been a rapidly changing five months. I’ve hacked my body, moved states, become part of a much larger and warmer community, and have boobs of my own. I still don’t know where I want to end up; this whole process never really had an end goal or some ideal form.

So I’m just gonna keep hacking until I either break something or it feels right.

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